I had a conversation with my wife, things got heated, and she started crying. She told me she didn’t know what to do anymore; she had been trying to support me, but I kept pushing her away. And it wasn’t just her—whenever anyone tried to offer me a new idea or suggestion, I found myself resisting it.
My ego was getting in the way, and I couldn’t bring myself to admit that there might be something I hadn’t tried yet. I would dismiss suggestions with phrases like “You don’t understand,” “That won’t work for me,” or “It’s not that simple.”
But as I looked at her, tears rolling down her cheeks; I felt miserable. It broke my heart to see someone who deeply loved me feeling hurt because of my stubbornness. Then, I realized I had developed a sense of helplessness over time.
I’m usually optimistic and positive, but when I couldn’t find solutions, I would focus on the obstacles instead of the possibilities. I had built a cage around myself and trapped myself inside.
As I struggled to find solutions, my frustration grew and turned into complaining. I was not complaining out loud (don’t ask her, though), but my lack of progress led to a loss of motivation. And not knowing what to do became not doing anything… I had hit a wall and lost the willingness.
That was a powerful insight!
It was a difficult truth to face, but I eventually realized that I had fallen into a fixed mindset fueled by learned helplessness. And slowly, aliveness disappeared from my days, and Ironically, what brought me there was being focused on feeling more alive.
Damn, that’s hard to admit as a coach.
I developed a growth mindset in every aspect of my life, except for scaling up my business.
But once I acknowledged the situation, I knew I had to take action to get out of the negative spiral. I needed to build new beliefs, not just recite affirmations that felt false. I needed a process that would help me climb out of the hole and take a deep breath of fresh air.
Ok, now what? Time to feeling alive again!